Do You Ever Wonder?
by Sunken Stars
Summary: When Jaune and Ruby get stuck waiting out a storm under the small shelter of a bus stop, Ruby begins to notice that he's not really all that present. Something that Jaune has been holding deep within himself for a long time comes out. / Real Life AU


Ruby felt the biting chill of the air against her pale skin, strengthened by the rain continuously falling harder and harder down around them.

Their only refuge had been a bus stop on the sidewalk across from their high school. It obviously wasn't the best protection from the storm, but it was all she and Jaune could get to in time.

She took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully, happy to at least have avoided getting wet. Her breath froze on the way out, giving the illusion that she was blowing out smoke.

The smell made her homesick.

She had transferred a year ago, but already she somewhat missed her old home. After all, she used to love the rain. She was used to it once. It was odd how a year of hardly experiencing it made her instinctively run for cover at the first sight of storm clouds.

She gave a wistful sigh, something she expected to catch the attention of her friend. When it hadn't, she turned to face him.

He was looking at the ground, almost emotionless except for the odd expression on his face. She had never seen said expression.

Knowing one another for as long as they have, it was odd, to say the least. She thought that she knew him better than anyone. She thought, anyway. But this was new, she had never seen him this way.

It was, to her, cause for concern.

"Jaune?" she spoke out softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. It took a moment but it did snap him out of his thoughts.

He merely looked at her, the expression never leaving his face for a second.

"Ruby… when did it start raining?" He looked around, clearly confused, before sitting down on the semi-soaked bench. He apparently didn't care about his jeans getting wet.

Ruby joined him, after all, if he didn't care about his jeans then she didn't care about her skirt.

"Um, like five minutes ago," she deadpanned in response to his question. "You don't remember me pulling you by the arm and yelling 'it's about to rain'?"

Jaune scratched the back of his head and sighed. "I guess I was just in my own head," he replied. He put his hands to the cold, wet wood of the bench and leaned back slightly.

"Well…" Ruby started slowly, mimicking his movements, "whatcha thinkin' about?"

Jaune laughed at the cute, but undoubtedly unconscious action, and shook his head. "It's nothing, really. Just some stuff that's been on my mind. You don't need to worry about it."

Deep down he knew that wouldn't be the end of it, but he hoped it would, and that was cause enough for him to try and deflect the oncoming conversation.

As he suspected, she didn't simply let it go.

"But I wanna know, I mean it isn't every day you're thinking about something other than girls, homework, and video games," she said, sticking out her tongue.

"Hey, I don't always think about girls," he defended, "but yeah you're right. I just… it's been on my mind for a while. I'm not sure how to talk about it." He leaned back a bit further before stretching out his legs and sitting up straight. He placed his arms on his knees and leaned forward in a position that was probably doing more harm than good.

"How long is a while?" Ruby inquired. She was starting to feel like there was a lot more to this than she initially assumed.

Just then lightning lit up the sky and both of them internally prepared for the oncoming boom. It took ten whole seconds to come, and when it did it was _loud._

Ruby briefly flashed back to the first time they spent the night together alone, she blushed bright red.

"That's… well, that's hard to say," Jaune said, pulling her attention back to him, "maybe five years. Maybe only three." He bit his lip, feeling anxious about saying anything more than what he's already said.

Ruby's breath got caught in her throat. She hadn't been expecting his answer at all. At most, she expected a few months. But three years? And she hadn't noticed?

Jaune's fingers tapped at the bench as an old nervous tick started making its appearance. Ruby noticed immediately and instinctively brought her hand down to his, grabbing it and holding it in a firm grip.

Jaune's gaze darted to her as she turned away, blushing again. He didn't say anything, though, merely looking to the raindrops hitting the ground in front of him.

"F-five years…" Ruby said, grasping to hold on to the subject. "Jaune, you know you can tell me anything."

It was a line that was used a lot by people who often didn't really mean it. But he knew that she meant it. He truly felt safe with her.

But how was he supposed to even bring such a subject up? It seemed impossible to him. There's only one way the conversation could go unless she felt the same as him.

He honestly doubted she would.

He summoned up as much courage as he could and turned to her, taking a breath and steeling himself.

"Have you ever… wondered what it was like to be a guy?"

There were a few moments of silence as Ruby processed his question. He expected her to laugh, but instead she simply turned to look out at the rain in thought.

"I have," she said after a few moments. "There are times when I'm doing something and I wonder what it's like for guys. Whether it's, well, the obvious stuff, or something as simple as picking out my outfit."

Jaune nodded, licking his lips as he looked down at his hand entwined with hers.

"Is that what this is about?" Ruby asked. "Do you wonder what it's like to be a girl?" He nodded again, but more slowly, and she smiled. "Well you can always just ask me, and I'll tell you as best I can!"

He laughed lightly at her enthusiastic words. "It's… it's not really the same. I don't think. I kind of… I don't know. Have you ever been so curious that you've felt sad that you aren't a guy?"

Ruby suddenly got it. Her eyes widened. "Jaune…" she said, "are you…?"

"I don't know," he answered immediately. "I'm not sure. It's not like I'm constantly feeling this way. But sometimes it gets really tough to deal with. It comes and goes."

Ruby squeezed his hand. He looked, and sounded, so confused. Like he was lost, entirely unsure of life. All because he felt different.

"Last night," he continued, "I was getting ready for bed and I looked in the mirror, all of a sudden I just felt sick. I felt so sick, so upset for what I thought was no reason. Then I realized I just didn't like the way I look. I wanted to see something else in that mirror. Someone else, I guess.

"I laid awake for hours thinking about it. But then I started thinking about all sorts of other things. It got to a point where I started crying."

Ruby clenched her free hand into a first as she realized his voice was getting weaker, softer as if it was getting hard for him to talk. She gave his hand another squeeze in a show of support and urged him to continue.

"This happens every other few months, and every time it does I try to push it away. I try to block it out and forget about it and just be normal. But Ruby, I can't do that anymore. I just can't."

She saw the tears before he even reacted to them, going in to wipe them away. Her fingers brushed against his soft skin, and he brought his free hand up to grab hers gently.

She stared into his eyes, just then realizing that he had dark circles underneath them.

"You didn't get any sleep last night, did you?" she asked softly. He just shook his head. She pressed her forehead against his. "Come stay the night with me again…" She said it low, almost in a whisper.

Jaune opened his mouth to reply, but closed it and bit his lip as he thought about her offer. It wasn't just an offer, it was a request.

"It's been a few months," he said, "and you're… not freaked out?"

"I'm not. I could never be. I was just thinking it might help you sleep better. And it might not be the same thing, but… maybe I have some clothes that might fit you." Jaune blushed and let out a small sound of surprise. Ruby continued, her voice growing higher and more akin to her usual, happy tone. "I think you'd look good in that one pink skirt I have! You know, the one Yang bought for me last Summer?"

Jaune, entirely flabbergasted by how excited and enthusiastic Ruby was about the whole thing, could only nod. He did indeed know the skirt, and when she had got it all he could think about was how cute it was.

Ruby smiled at him, beaming as if the sun was out and shining down on them both. Yet, it was still raining. It would probably _be_ raining all day.

He let out a ragged breath and smiled back at her as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Thanks…" he muttered out. "I-" he bit his tongue, taking another breath before continuing on stronger than he started, even more sure of the words he was about to utter. "I love you."

He could almost feel the contentment radiating off of her as she snuggled into his side even harder.

"I love you, too," she said. "No matter who you are."

* * *

Author's Notes: Long time readers of mine will notice something. My gender as revealed to you has often been inconsistent. A few times when writing with Maxaro, I purposely made it seem either or. I kept it hidden, but then other times I used male pronouns. I believe once I even used female pronouns.

This isn't me trying to be funny, or me throwing you off for the purpose of protecting my identity or something like that. It's just me being me. Sometimes I do it in a funny way, sure, but the simple truth of the matter is this: **_I am gender fluid._** A majority of the time, I have no gender. I don't feel like a girl or a boy, I just feel like a person that doesn't fit the mold of either.

I suppose I'm just mostly non-binary. But I will say this; I am biologically male. The purpose of this fic was to, I guess, come out to you all.

Along with this being a personal, coming-out fic, it's also somewhat of a vent fic. Man... Dysphoria is a bitch.


End file.
